Lead By Example

I am currently completing a Bible Study on leadership, "Rising to the Call of Leadership" by Kay Arthur. She has looked at several leaders in the Bible by identifying their character and type of leader they were.
As a leader, I enjoy reading books on leadership. In this study, I see the positive and negative leadership qualities and I have learned that just because someone has a title doesn't make them a leader. I think I have known that but it is validating to read in scripture.
I believe God has called me to be a principal at an elementary school and I pray every day that God would use me and that I would allow Him to use me to do His work. Part of that is by living a life of example. I am far from perfect and know I have many flaws and human traits that cause me to make mistakes and stumble.
Here are just a few ideas I have gleaned from my Bible study about "Leading by Example:"
1. Pray every day for yourself, your staff, your students/parents and the purpose and goal of your institution.
2. Seek God's guidance in everything.
3. Recognize and acknowledge when you have erred to your staff. I feel strongly that subordinates need to know that their "boss" is human.
4. Never ask your staff to do something you wouldn't do or couldn't do.
5. Forgive those that have wronged you. People will make mistakes that impact us so it may be hard to not take it personally. In situations like that, we need to lead by example and forgive. Not just in words but also in deed.
6. Ask for help. No one can do everything on their own. We all need help now and then so ask for it. You may be surprised to find how eager your staff is to help. They are just waiting to be asked. This will give them the courage to ask for help when they need it.
7. Let some things go. Not everything needs to be analyzed, fixed or handled. Some times it's best to let it go.
8. Have fun-laugh. If you are smiling, laughing and enjoying your job, your staff will follow your lead. You certainly can't boss someone into having fun or laughing if you aren't.
9. Let them see you sweat! Whoever said, never let them see you sweat, wasn't being realistic or human. Your staff needs to know that you are human-that you cry, laugh, bleed and sweat just like the rest. Your humanness will make you more approachable and teach your staff that no one is without blemish or spot.
10. Give credit where credit is due-God, colleagues, staff, family...By showing your staff that you don't know it all or come up with all of the wonderful ideas, lets them know that their opinions and ideas are valued, respected and recognized. It also demonstrates humility and that trait needs to be seen not heard.

Help! I'm a Parent!

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is letting go of your children and allowing them to make their own decisions and mistakes.
Two of my children have graduated from high school and started a college career only to drop out of their college. They both are very bright and capable of doing anything they want to do. I see their strengths and talents and want to push them into a field where they can use those. However, I can't do that. I must sit back and wait for them to discover their own purpose and then follow it.
Having the two college aged children back home has also changed the dynamics of our home. They are used to setting their own schedules and doing their own thing and being accountable to no one. They have had a rude awakening from us-our house, our rules. Not an easy pill for an 18 and 20 year old to swallow.
Lavoy and I can remind the two of them to look for a job and gather information about the local community college so they can take some core classes, but we both work and can't hold their hands through the process. When we ask them how the day went, they roll their eyes, complain that we are nagging them and state they had no luck finding a job.
I want my children to be independent and be able to make decisions for themselves. Right now I am torn because they are living under our roof, eating our groceries, charging movies on demand to our cable and contribute very little to the household.
I find myself being an enabler to their behaviors and cringe at the thought because I often judged parents that enabled their children.
What do I do about this conundrum? I love my children and want to support their decisions. I am frustrated because I am a decisive person. I know what I think, believe and want and always have. It is difficult for me to sit back and watch my children waffle about their education and future.
Alas, I must have faith. God tells us in the Bible in Proverbs that if we "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it."
No one can prepare you for the love you will have for these precious beings that come into your world totally dependent on you or for the trials you will face in raising them.
I will remain faithful and cling to scripture in Hebrews 12:

¹ Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

³ For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Time Marches On

In October, Blaney lost a student and I lost my dad. Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard and cannot be easily remedied. Healing takes a long time and sometimes in the midst of that healing it hurts to see that the world keeps moving forward as if you haven't lost anything.
I have heard many people say that the "firsts" after someones death are the hardest. I believe it but I also know that for the rest of my life I will miss my dad. I would imagine that Carissa's family will miss her for the rest of their lives.
If I could give outsiders a piece of advice as it relates to dealing with mourners, don't expect them to "get over it" because you have. My mom's sister told her two months after my dad died to"get over it." Imagine not being able to speak to your best friend ever again, hear his/her voice, or see them sitting across the lunch table. That is not something someone can get over in two months or even two years. I realize people's lives go on while the grieving are left to grieve. Just remember that as your life goes on, my mother, sister, brothers and I, as well as the Stover family, have to move on with our lives minus our loved one. There are no special words for anyone to say. The best advice is to recognize that the grieving process is just that, a process and it is different for everyone. I don't need you to cry with me, I need to you to love me when I am crying. The saying, "time heals all wounds" may be right. I don't know yet because my wound is still wide open and hurting. Don't measure your own experiences to mine or my families. Just love us and love the Stover family.
Since my dad's death, I have become acutely aware of my friends and colleagues that have experienced loss and how I marched on in my life forgetting that they each were experiencing grief. As I look back over the past 15 years I can recall many of my friends and colleagues that have experienced lost.
These names listed are those I remember: Lavoy Carter (dad),Melissa Emmons (mom,dad and grandmother), Lisa Farmer (mom). Eva Roach (dad and dad in law), Beth Granger (dad), Jeanne Aman (dad), Velma Jackson (dad), Karen Ortiz (mom in law), Mr. and Mrs. Kelly (son, Kyle), Ruth Reeder (mom), Susan Trofatter (mom), Monica Lloyd (dad), Rose Sheheen (mom), Kyle Banner (dad), James and Brittany Fritch (dad), Lisa Ryder (mom), April Dixon (grandmother), Mandy Sanders (husband), Mary Anne Byrd (dad), Nita Moak (mom and mom in law), Pastor Bruce Hancock (dad), Cathy Drees (father in law), Judy Reed (dad), Holly Harrington (dad), Rebecca Harris (dad), and Wende Myers (father in law).
There are probably many more that I have forgotten because time marches on but I want to be better about remembering and honoring the family left behind to mourn, grieve and live without their loved ones.

The Four Key Principles of Love and Logic

I have written in an earlier post that my School Leadership Team is completing a book study on Teaching with Love and Logic. As I read over my notes, I found myself reliving some personal experiences from my childhood that could have gone much better had my teachers utilized the four key principles of love and logic. I was in fifth grade and looked up to my sister in the seventh grade. She was working on an art project that involved her creating a marionette. I copied her and made my own version, with my parent's help. I took it to school and was showing it at lunch to my friends. One of the parent volunteers walked by and commented, "That's the ugliest thing I have ever seen, put it away." I did and never completed the project. For years I professed to lack creativity and artistic skills. This woman, with her one comment, crushed my self concept for many years.

How can we help maintain and even build a child's self concept? There needs to be careful balance of helping he child see what his strengths are and not make him arrogant and helping the child identify weaknesses without making him feel inferior.

I find that many teachers are control freaks. Teachers invariably establish rules and expectations that involve doing exactly what the teacher tells the students and not questioning the teacher. Many parents struggle with the same problem and use the easily quoted, "Because I said so." How many times did you hear that as a child? Many times students misunderstand and teachers misrepresent a point and conflict or a struggle over control ensues. Ultimatums are often a precursor to power struggles. When given an ultimatum, the giver and receiver have no options.

How can teachers recognize the beginnings of a power struggle; share control with the students; still maintain effective instruction; and build trust between her and the students?

There are many times that teachers need to have empathy for her students. This can be hard if she can't put herself in the student's place. Over the years of my career, I have made home visits in an effort to see where my students came from each day. I encourage my staff to do the same. I don't experience the conditions but I gain perspective. I have also experienced my share of chronic health issues which has helped me be empathetic to students and staff that suffer with their own chronic health issues. My own experiences open my eyes to more effective approaches to communicating my expectations. The student or staff member still needs to meet the expectation but they have been communicated with in a way that is compassionate.

Explain why you think it is or isn't fair to administer consequences when you are angry; haven't investigated the entire incident; or your intent is punishment and not changed behavior.

Shared thinking looks good on paper but how much time does shared thinking with questioning techniques take away from instruction? Read the "pearl" on page 190 ("Students need to learn to think. By giving them practice at thinking, teachers not only gain control over the classroom but also model the joy of relearning." ) and respond to how this pearl can address my question at the start of this paragraph.

Teaching styles are just that, styles. It is hard to teach someone to have a certain style. Reflect on the three styles addressed in Chapter 12 and let me know which style you honestly think you have and which one do you wish to aspire to be and why.

In Chapter 13, the authors provide information that you may or may not have already known. Were there any surprises for you? Are you aware of the Kershaw County School District board policies? Do you know where to find them?

While you read over these comments and questions and reflect on the chapters you have read, try to envision sharing the concepts of Love and Logic with the staff.

I recognize that there is not ONE way to do things and that many times we must take bits and pieces from many concepts and make it our own. I don't want you to fret over the conflict Love and Logic concepts may have with our school wide discipline plan or PBIS. In the end, we must do what is true to our profession and right for the children of our school community.