My School Leadership Team is reading "Teaching with Love and Logic" this year for a book study. Many of the "tips" and "pearls" seem reasonable and simple and yes, logical. I was watching "The Blind Side" this weekend and a particular scene in the movie where "LeeAnn " tells the coach that he should get to know his players better because "Michael" had scored in the 98% in protective tendencies. That is a great example of what Jim Fay and David Funk mean when they write, "You can't take a withdrawal from an account when there have been no deposits" (page 35).
After reading the first seven chapters, I am curious to know how our school wide discipline plan fits with the three rules of "Love and Logic." Also, reflecting on your own experience interacting with students during a discipline issue, do you find yourself being controlling? Be honest.
Respond to this statement-"Fair doesn't mean the same."
12 comments:
I feel our school wide discipline plan fits with the three rules of "Love and Logic" if used correctly. For example, I have been using the "Provide choices within limits" rule quite often in my classroom. One student in particular has been given the choice of stepping out to gather himself when he becomes angry. If he chooses to stay in the classroom and the behavior continues then a point is lost. These choices are given to him in a quiet and calm manner, and he is given a little time to decide.
One of the most powerful concepts that I have taken from the first seven chapters is that we as educators cannot allow our emotions to be involved in our attempts to discipline. While I will admit, this is difficult to do; I have seen some positive results.
In response to the statement "Fair doesn't mean the same", I feel that if you take the time to make those "deposits" and truly get to know your students, then you can't possibly discipline them all in the exact same manner. As I have had to do with my own child, you must find what really works with each child. Some may not care if they lose recess. This would be cause to find another option that will make a difference to the child. One of the rules of "Love and Logic states that we should "Apply consequences with empathy". In order to do this we must consider each situation as individually as the students that are involved.
Our school wide discipline plan follows the three rules of "Love and Logic" only if the individual teachers are practicing it. I think many teachers at Blaney, myself included, are "controlling." It takes time to break yourself of old habits.
I have been practicing using enforceable statements. For example, "I don't give directions while other people are talking" or "I'll explain this when everyone is ready to follow along" instead of simply saying, "Stop talking" or "pay attention."
Thanks Crystal and Dennis for your comments.
Lisa
Throughout my reading, the same word keeps popping out at me, "CHOICE". Since reading this book, I have tried a "new" approach in my classroom. When a child misbehaves or needs redirecting, I very calmly and quietly say, "You have 2 choices. One is to ... and the other is to ...", depending on what is going on. This works, even with five year olds!! Most of them choose to correct their own behaviors and we move on. I agree with the authors' statement that we need to teach our children to think and make choices.
I have to admit that I used to think that I could not treat children or situations differently because it wouldn't be "fair". Then one day I realized, it's okay to have different approaches because I have different children. This really hit home with my own children. They are twins, but totally different. As parents, we have to treat and handle them differently. Why should it be different in the classroom as long as you love them and teach them?!
My favorite quote from this section is, "I'll be glad to listen to you when your voice sounds like mine." Alot of times we take this for granted. I know it is very easy to lose control of the situation just from tone of voice. I have learned that in my classroom, I set the tone. If I am exicted about being there, then so are they. If I am frustrated, so are they. If I feel tired or flustered....there is always management problems. However, I want my kids to know that my classroom is a great place to learn, everyday!
I think, if in the beginning of the year, you give the children the ownership in the rules and consequences, they will be more receptive. Allow them to help "create" rules and consequences for the class. They know "what" they will be rewarded or punished with. And, it works to your advantage.
Positive attitudes in my classroom will reflect happy learnerns!
One thing I like about our school-wide discipline plan is that when students PAWS (pause) for good behavior, this encourages them to stop and think about the choices they will make. This reminds them that the choice is theirs to make. Also, it reinforces this idea when Mr. Manning says on the Morning Show, “Make good choices.”
As a teacher, I struggle with trying to “control” students. However, this book reminds me that all I actually can control is how I respond to students’ choices. What I can do is try to establish positive relationships with my students, and offer choices as often as I can. Also, I am now more careful that I show empathy and understanding when applying consequences. It is sometimes tough. However, showing the students that I feel bad that they have to receive the consequence, it speaks volumes to them. I have already witnessed this several times, just in the first month of school.
I am fortunate in having the students for short periods, therefore few discipline problems occur during those times.
I admit I am somewhat controlling, however I try to handle each student individually. I have to make a conscious effort in how I handle situations.
With my own personal children, one child requires a more positive approach. When he thinks things through and feels that he owns the idea--it is easier to accept. Having survived two teenagers, I have learned. . .don't let the problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved. I see this approach in Love and Logic.
I feel like our new discipline plan fits this set of rules. My biggest concern for our future growth in this is that the older system goes against what we are reading and what we are trying to build. It ssems most teachers feel the need to fall back to the dictator-like system.
I too have found myself struggling with this at times. When I do concentrate on what I am saying and how I am saying it, these principles are what I have been targeting (even before I read them!), but am not always able to live up to. I have used the choices and enforceable limits since starting the book and have ssen positive results. I have even used the drive-by style of getting information that the example in the book used and it worked as well! The child tried to wait me out and disrupt the progress of the group. When he saw the others finishing (and moving to rewards) and himself still standing alone at the door, he quickly tried to tell me his information!
Although I am not a teacher, I really enjoy insightful concept discussed in the first seven chapters. I have witnessed this in play as Mrs. Carter has dealt with several students in the Office. As she discusses their actions and what lead to them, if the student has no response, she allows them time to sit and think about what they've done and why, she does not allow them to interrupt her normal activity or linger, but continues to do her thing as they process it themselves. The last point I would like to make about the book is when it talked moving on your time and not on the students time.
I believe that the PBIS system supports the three rules of "Love and Logic". The main thrust of the system is to have clear expectations, which leads to children having choices within the perimeters of what is expected. The token system provides consequences (if you make good choices, you get good consequences, if you make bad choices, you don’t get the good consequences)that encourage personal responsibility. Of course, its effectiveness is highly dependent upon the teacher.
I LOVE the way the book puts the frustration of misbehavior in the lap of the offending student, and off of mine. I instictively gave up on the "If you do this, then I'll do that" list a few years back; it was too exhausting. If the student broke a rule at 2:00, how could I take recess time? I had to start a list for the next day, or... or what? Now, for the sake of the parents, I just give a list of possible consequences, and I warn the kids by saying "You will get a consequence." But I have to work on making sure to give the students an opportunity to explain their misbehavior and offer their own choices for consequences. I've been doing it a lot more often for the last couple of weeks, and the kids are actually doing a good job with self-reflection and follow-through. I just have to remember to keep my wits about me when a child does something particularly annoying.
"Fair does not mean the same" comes into play when you perceive each child as a person with his/her own likes, dislikes, insecurities and fears.When you love each child as a unique individual, you respond to the spirit of the child, not to the list of rules and consequences on the wall.
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The school wide discipline plan is effective when used consistently on a daily basis. The trouble many people have when discipling students, is taking it personally. One needs to address the action rather than the individual. It comes down to a students making a poor choice not that they are a bad person.
As an assistant principal, my job is to be the controlling figure in the equation. However, it is important to focus on the poor choices. Thus everyady I tell students to make good choices. When confronted with a disciplanary situation, one of the first things I ask, "What could can been differently?". This way the student take ownership for thier bad choice.
In regards to the fair issue, life isn't fair sometimes. Also, we typically live in a world of black and white situations. The grey area is often overlooked or ignored. When deciding a disciplinary action of a student, I always look for reasons for the behavior. Educators must develop empathy skills in order to deal with troubled students.The child may have a rough home life, someone may be bulleying them, or some other set of circumstances that causes a students to act out. It is always important to get the whole story. Although as a parent, that can be a daunting task not worth investigating. However, it is wise to have the same approach at home.
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