TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS?

The quote "Time heals all wounds" has been quoted by many people famous and not so famous. Rose Kennedy quoted it after experiencing many of her losses. "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

I searched the source of the often quoted phrase and it has been attached to Chaucer, "As tyme hem hurt, a tyme doth hem cure" and Menander "Time is the healer of all necessary evils."

Most physical wounds heal but are never completely gone. Scars and often residual pain remain. Emotional wounds, the loss of a loved one, betrayal or revenge, rarely heal. Time may make them less prominent in our minds so they are not the first or last thought each day but they are still in our hearts and minds.

My dad died in October and Lavoy's dad died in July and our moms are still nursing the wound of loss. Many people have counseled them with words like "It's been long enough you should be over it" or "Others have had similar experiences and don't carry on like you" or "Just get over it."

First of all, the nerve of anyone to determine how long someone should mourn is reprehensible. Second, everyone has different ways of grieving and experiencing the stages of grief. Third, just because the world continues to rotate and life goes on around the grief stricken doesn't mean they have "gotten over it." Most people do not talk about sadness and grief so it may appear they have recovered from the loss. I would imagine that if probed for details, any widow or widower, parent that has lost a child or child that has lost a parent would ultimately agree that the pain of the loss never goes away.

I had the lovely experience of having lunch with a widow of 10 years. Most people would say, "Ten years, she surely has gotten over him." They would be wrong. She shared that even after 10 years she has the urge to turn and tell her husband something. When asked what they missed the most about their husbands, both my mom and Lavoy's mom said "holding hands." The void of experiencing holding hands, an arm around your shoulder, a pat on the back or peck on the lips is vast. For anyone to think that time will fill that void has not truly experienced what I know my mom and Lavoy's mom experienced with their husbands.

That kind of marital relationship is beautiful while they are alive but the pain experienced when a spouse gone is immeasurable. The only way I know how to support my moms is to be there because there will never be "magic" words that make it all better. It will never be all better. It will just be - because life goes on.

SCHOOL DISCIPLINE-Systems vs. Principles

Teaching with Love and Logic continues to challenge me to work outside my comfort zone. Actually, it is the rut I call classroom management. Chapter 14, Implementing School Discipline (Systems vs. Principles) clearly reveals the differences and how one is all about the adult having control and the other is about making the student accountable for his actions. All classroom teachers ultimately want children to be accountable for their actions and behaviors. Most of us go about disciplining by way of our own experiences or our observations while in training. The "principles" approach requires me to rewire my thinking and knee-jerk reaction in situations that require discipline. The book offers scenarios and suggestions that are quite understandable. For me, it is not a matter of disbelief or disapproval of the techniques but rather taking what I have read and learned and actually applying it after 26 years of responding the same way to now changing my responses.
In Chapter 15, we see a school actually implement Love and Logic. I would be interested to see how Blaney's teachers would take the Love and Logic principles and merge them with PBIS since PBIS is about tangible tokens and Love and Logic is about internal accountability and problem solving.
My philosophy about any "program" is and has always been that there is not one fix for everyone. As educators of a varied group of students that varies each year, we need to glean from each program and make it work for us. The pearl on page304, "Education is based on relationships, not a procedure" hits to the heart of the phrase "A child doesn't care what you know until they know how much you care." Relationships, regardless of your management/discipline system, is critical to changing a child's behavior.

Skipping and Whistling-Signs of Happiness

Each morning, I watch the children at my school leave their parents and walk into Blaney Elementary School. I can't help but smile when I see them skipping from mom's car towards the front door. Most times, the skipping is accompanied with a big smile. Little girls with pony tails that sway back and forth also reveal the spirit of the heart-filled with joy. How sweet and innocent those behaviors are but they reveal so much. Just like skipping, whistling reveals the heart of a person. In The King and I, the main character Anna, sings a song about whistling a happy tune when she is afraid and in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the dwarfs whistle while they work. If you don't have a joy filled heart already, once you begin to whistle you will.
Next time you need a quick pick me up, try skipping a few yards or start whistling a familiar tune.
We can learn a great deal from observing children. Their innocence, naivete and pure child like faith can quickly return us to the simple days and joyous hearts.