Loving the Unlovable

Do you have people in your life that you come in contact with and have a hard time "loving"? I do. I want to like them, care about them and even love them like Jesus, but it is so hard.
Reasons I find it hard to "love" the unlovable:
1. Don't see their own faults (act like they have none).
2. Has an excuse for EVERYTHING!
3. Thinks they are right about EVERYTHING!
4. Questions my ideas and suggestions.
5. Struggles to complete tasks on time or at all.
6. Listen without hearing and understanding.
Can you feel my pain? Can you relate to what I am saying? So what can we do when we are faced with that unlovable someone?
Things I tell myself to look beyond the annoyances and "love" them anyway:
1. Remind myself that Jesus loves me and I don't deserve His unconditional love. In fact, He loved me so much He died for my sins. If He can do that for me, I certainly can love someone that gets on my nerves from time to time.
2. I pray for that person and for myself. I pray that their eyes would be opened to truth and be humble enough to see their weaknesses. Everyone has weaknesses or character flaws so to think you don't is to think yourself perfect-and no one is!
3. I admit my weaknesses and character flaws to them in hopes of them seeing it is "ok" to admit them and move on.
4. I am honest with them and myself. Being honest doesn't mean throwing feelings out the window. It is important that when you are honest with someone that you are respectful and your intent is not to "one up" that person or appear to have yourself all together. You honestly want to help that person be better at their job, in a relationship or as a person, in general.
5. Put myself in their shoes and see what it is that might cause them to have these behaviors. Trying to walk a mile in someone else's shoes can provide great insight into a person's actions.
6. Find out that person's "Love Language." Gary Chapman has written a great book, The Five Love Languages that identifies how different people perceive love differently-words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. It is amazing once we understand that person's love language than we better understand what is important to them which impacts how they behave.
7. I consciously work on not becoming one of those people. Anyone at any time can become the unlovable person. I remind myself that I am always one over confident comment, one incomplete project, one excuse, one head nod during a conversation and one challenging question away from becoming that person.
8. Find a confidant to vent to when none of these work or you have just had it. Venting is very therapeutic. Just make sure your confidant knows you are venting and not expecting a solution. My husband is my confidant and I survive the challenges of many unlovable people because he is a great listener when I need him to listen and a great problem solver when I need a solution.
We all have those unlovable people in our lives. Face them, accept them and don't become them!

Send It On

Send it on is similar to Pass It On or Pay it Forward. At Blaney, the fourth grade team initiated the program and again this year they kicked it off. Send It on is a way to have teams get to know one another and do something unique for another team. The fourth grade team sent it on to the third grade team; the third grade team sent it on to the office staff and the office staff is sending it on to the kindergarten team. Fourth grade sent third grade on a scavenger hunt and at the end they were presented with a wooden initial that was painted and decorated. Third grade had the office staff complete a crossword puzzle. Once the puzzle was completed, they were directed to a classroom. In the classroom, they were walked down the red carpet and presented with a popcorn bucket with candy, popcorn and a movie pass. Each "Send it on" activity is recorded in a journal with notes, pictures and remembrances.
Send It On can be used in any work setting.
1. One team needs to initiate the process by getting a notebook or nice journal and selecting a team.
2. Make the plan and set a date.
3. Send it on.
4. Provide a deadline for when it needs to be sent on so it doesn't loose it's momentum and excitement. Our school gives ten days.
5. Enclose these lyrics from the Disney song-"Send It On."
Send it on
On and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part Reach a Heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it Strong
Shine a Light and Send It On

6. Make it personal and fun. Blaney's theme is "Setting the Stage for Learning" so most of the activities have revolved around the movies.
7. Have fun. This is not supposed to be a burden. I believe when we give to others we are more blessed than if we receive something. So give the gift of a smile and "Send it on."

Addicted to Books

My school had our fall book fair last week and I just had to go in and check out the books. In Lisa language that means I had to BUY some books. Even though these would not be on my NOOK Color, I just had to get some books I could share with the students.
I read one last night, The Small Adventure of Popeye and Elvis by Barbara O'Connor. One of the reasons I selected this book was it takes place in South Carolina so I just had to get it. It was a quick read and could easily be a read aloud to be completed in less than 2 weeks. Teachers could use this book to start the new year off and get students talking about their summer because it is about new friendships and a summer adventure. I also bought and read, The Hallelujah Flight by Phil Bildner and Sophie Peterman Tells the Truth by Sarah Weeks. These are picture books and can be read in one sitting to your class. The Hallelujah Flight is based on true facts about James Banning and his flight across the United States in 1932. Sophie Peterman shares her true feelings and thoughts on being a big sister. The illustrations for both books are eye catching and capture the tone of the story. I am reading next, Faith, Hope and Ivy June by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor and Signal by Cynthia Defelice. I'll share my thoughts on those two once I have read them. What have you read lately? Anything I might be interested in reading?

When I Grow Up

As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a teacher or work with children. For the past 26 years, I have been working in that capacity. I was recently asked what do I want to do after I retire or next in my career. I know I am not the type of person to just stay home after I retire but I don't know anything else but education. It is hard to imagine myself outside of the public school setting.
Things I enjoy doing may lead me to an answer for a second career or a career in my retirement years.
1. Reading
2. Crafts
3. Talking, socializing, making friends
4. Drinking my favorite treats: coffee, diet Dr. Pepper, passion ice tea lemonade
5. Games: word, brain teasers and puzzles
6. Taking pictures
7. Babies
8. Spending time with Lavoy
9. Vacationing at the beach
What can I possibly do outside of teaching and being a principal? I have mentioned to Lavoy on more than a few occasions that I would love to own a book store/coffee shop at the beach. That would allow me to do many of the things I enjoy. I have also thought about getting a degree in library science and become a media specialist somewhere but I believe that might only address the reading and talking. Because I have always known what I have wanted to do as a career, this is a new place for me. I can't be a principal forever. I will eventually need to pass the torch on to someone younger. I find that I am in a similar situation as my 20 year old son that is trying to figure out his career path. He is struggling with what to do because there are many things he enjoys doing but isn't sure if he wants to make any of them a career.
I have a few more years before I decide but I would like to have a plan before I hand over the school's keys to someone else. When I grow up I think I will be a.......

Teaching with Love and Logic

My School Leadership Team is reading "Teaching with Love and Logic" this year for a book study. Many of the "tips" and "pearls" seem reasonable and simple and yes, logical. I was watching "The Blind Side" this weekend and a particular scene in the movie where "LeeAnn " tells the coach that he should get to know his players better because "Michael" had scored in the 98% in protective tendencies. That is a great example of what Jim Fay and David Funk mean when they write, "You can't take a withdrawal from an account when there have been no deposits" (page 35).
After reading the first seven chapters, I am curious to know how our school wide discipline plan fits with the three rules of "Love and Logic." Also, reflecting on your own experience interacting with students during a discipline issue, do you find yourself being controlling? Be honest.
Respond to this statement-"Fair doesn't mean the same."

Reading Addict

I love to read. I have shared that in a previous blog and my husband tells anyone that will listen that I am a "voracious" reader. He encouraged me to start blogging about the books I read. He thinks I read more than any other person. I am not sure about that so I am hoping to hear from the virtual community. I am interested to hear about the books you have read and feedback on my comments regarding the books I have read.
How I select books to read:
1. This may be silly to some of you but I always look at the cover. The cover can tell a great deal about a book. I rarely select a book I don't enjoy when I use the cover test.
2. Books that can cross the curriculum, start conversations, inspire, connect and I can share.
3. I don't stick with one kind of genre. I read anything from non-fiction, fiction, historical fiction, Christian novels, self-discovery books, leadership, team building, children picture books and award winning books.
4. Read the comments about the book that other authors wrote. If you know the authors and know their writing, their comments may help you decide to read or not to read. This is also an opportunity for you to expand the list of authors whose books you read. I have a Nook color and when I purchase a book, Barnes and Noble will recommend books to me based on the kind of books I purchased. I have read some books I never would have looked at if they had not been recommended.
5. I look at books my friends and family are reading. Most times we all enjoy similar books.
6. I read book reviews in magazines and get suggestions from the reviewers.
7. The time of year determines what I read. I tend to read lots of Christian fiction in the beginning of the summer. I move toward informational books related to my job (leadership, team building, goal setting, data, instruction...) as the summer winds down and I prepare for the school year. Throughout the year, I read what I am in the mood to read. Many times I have two to three books going at one time. Right now, I am reading Summer Sisters by Judy Blume, Forgotten God by Francis Chan and The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. The three books represent three areas in my life that I usual focus my reading-pleasure, Christian growth and inspiration or direction as a school leader.

Books I have read in August and September:
1. Unbroken-great book about World War II, prisoner of war of the Japanese
2. Lost in Shangri-La-another super read about World War II, plane crash in New Guinea that had 3 survivors-one being a WAC
3. The Help-insightful, entertaining, a little disturbing to know how cruel the human race can be
4. The Seed-good read about finding your purpose when your life is stale or you fell like you're in a rut
5. The Diary of Anne Frank-read this to challenge my son who had to read it for English I, not at all what I was thinking Anne Frank to be like

Super Mom!

I have a dear friend that thinks I am a "Super Mom" like a super hero. Many days I feel less than super because there is always so much to do and so little time. Most 21st century mothers work out of the home and then after the paying job go to work in the home. Our culture expects the same home life for our children that we had as children. I can tell you that is unrealistic and it is a pressure and expectations too many moms put on themselves.
I recently talked with another dear friend about this very issue. She was feeling quite overwhelmed by her paying job-which for most people is enough to send them over the edge. This mom of three boys and a husband that has an ever changing work schedule is trying to juggle her paying job (career), children, home and the many things that go with children and a home. I hope the advice I gave her helped. She is experiencing the same feelings I experienced on a regular basis as a mom of three. Mine are older now so the pressure and expectations have shifted.
If you are a mother of young children, work in or out of the home and you are asking yourself, "Is this really all there is to my life?" -then read on.

1. Have hope because it gets better. It may not be until your children are in high school or college and able to drive, but it does get better.

2. Enjoy your children and DO NOT fret over the house not being perfect, clothes not folded and put away or every meal being a Martha Stewart recipe. Your children need you-not a fancy table with fancy meals (they probably won't even eat because it doesn't look like a Happy Meal), not an immaculately cleaned house, and certainly not a weeping mother that is so overwhelmed by the pressures she has placed on herself.

3. Laundry can be washed and set in a basket until you really have the time to fold and put away. If your children pick clothes out of the basket to wear, so what, they are dressed in clean clothes.

4. Well rounded children are important but all of your children do not have to do everything. Limit the extra curricular activities that your children are signed up for each season. One sport a year, one club (Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, RAs/GAs/Awanas), music lessons for one instrument or dance or karate. Provide your child options and use them to teach him how to make choices and that he can't have everything.

5. DO NOT beat yourself up if you feed your child cereal for dinner, occasionally. That's why multi-vitamins were created.

6. Make time for yourself. If you don't feed your body, mind and soul, you can't feed your spouse or child's.

7. Make time for your spouse. Have a date night, make him your priority and remind him that you still love him. I was guilty of putting the children well before my husband. Because we have a healthy marriage he communicated with me that he felt slighted, unnecessary and unimportant. Women need to be told and shown how much they are loved-guess what? So do men! Keep the love burning between you and your husband because your children will grow up, move out and have families of their own and you two will be left in the house alone to pick up where you began before you had your children.

8. PRAY every day for strength, guidance, wisdom, discernment and love. I have horrible memories of losing my temper with my children all because of an unspoken expectations I put on myself about what a mother should and should not be. So, pray to be discerning about your priorities, pray for strength when you don't know how you can get home, fix dinner and help study spelling, pray for love to flow out over your family even when they are not acting lovable or you are not feeling lovable and pray for God's guidance in the right way to raise your children.

9. Hang in there! Soon you will be taking your children to college or paying for a wedding or holding a grandchild wishing you could have your "baby"back. Time is fleeting so don't spend your time trying to be something that you think you should be-it's probably not the mom your kids want you to be.